I only knew your name because I spoke with our neighbor. I rarely saw you around and very rarely spoke to you; though that seemed to go both ways. I can’t even really remember when you moved in – that’s how much in my own little world I was living in at that time. Terrible isn’t it?
There was the occasional “hi” and I could barely muster a smile or a hoarse “hi” response. I’m so shy when I’m not working. I saw your face and thought “he’s handsome,” probably contributing to the shyness. I never know what to say to a handsome face and always a fear of sounding stupid looms. I get so tongue tied so I don’t speak.
I’d see your truck and think – cool he’s home. I don’t really know why – I certainly didn’t know you all that well and never had the guts to just go talk to you. Oddly enough, there was a sort of comfort in having you live behind me. After a few months, I kept hoping we’d get to talking more but I never did anything to encourage it, at least not really. Fear won out…as usual.
I started to get to know you through our neighbor. I began to know your struggle and wished so much to help. I began to understand that we had at least a little bit in common and that could have helped with sparking a friendship. That only would have worked if I had spoken up, but I was always too afraid. I always talked myself out of it. I’ll never get that chance now. Only so many opportunities exist and I wasted them.
I want to say – I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out. I’m sorry I wasn’t a very good neighbor and didn’t help you feel more welcomed. I’m sorry you had your demons and that you couldn’t get past them. I wish I could have helped and am sorry we’ll never know if I could have. I’m sorry I wasn’t as kind as I should have been like I fully believe in being.
I want you to know – I promise to work harder at being and doing better. I will live up to my beliefs by being less afraid to open up to people. I won’t talk myself out of offering help because I’m shy or afraid of rejection. I will follow my heart and not let my head talk me out of kindness that is needed. I promise to keep all the positive things I hear about you in my head and heart; to honor you and your life by not passing by another opportunity for kindness.