I’m working hard to not let myself go too long without having at least some kind of post on here. I am desperately trying to avoid allowing myself back into that rhythm of telling myself ‘it’s okay…I can do it tomorrow.’ Tomorrow never seems to come when I do that, so that’s a no-go.
But the problem I feel I’m facing now is…what the hell do I even have to say? I left off with that series of blogs about my past dating experiences in a third person, which was a bit peculiar for me but at the time felt appropriate. The third person allowed to write it all out without feeling as self-conscious, though sometimes I do wonder if perhaps I need to make those posts private now. Second guessing is horrid.
With such seriousness as my last topics, it’s feeling difficult, and even more awkward, trying to simply write again. This blog was always going to be eclectic and for anyone who’s still hanging around and has read some old posts, it’s pretty clear that it’s exactly that…all over the board. Amazingly enough, that makes it more difficult to get back into the swing of things. Where do I start? What’s relevant now? Did anything I wrote before even mean anything so how do I pick up the pieces now?
I work for Amazon at the moment and it pays the bills and the one thing I like is being able to leave work at work. My previous employment as a reporter/photographer/editor frequently meant night work or worrying about what I needed to get done the next day or falling behind so I had homework so to speak. The thing is though, I don’t write anymore. It’s a catch 22 situation.
With as much was on my plate even before becoming an editor, that big promotion ended up meaning even more work, which I loved, but it was burning me out even faster. This helped lead to not having time or energy to be here, one of my favorite communities. So now having employment that doesn’t make me write so much, or even at all, does seem like it ought to provide time or at least more energy to want to write and even let the words flow from my fingers again, but that is not proving to be the case, at least not yet. First off, I’m exhausted. The work I do now is physically demanding and turns out I have plantar fasciitis in both my feet so I literally hurt on a daily basis too so the motivation to write is a bit zapped. The few things I would love to “chat” about are a bit off limits because it’s not real appropriate to talk about work on the Internet for one and there is a bunch of privacy issues since we are talking about what people order so there’s a need to be careful. Bummer but understood. So what’s there to talk about?
And that’s where I’m at…looking for my words again. I hope those who keep following are patient and hey, if you have some thoughts for me, I’d welcome suggestions!