It’s the first day of the new year. It’s fresh, it’s unsoiled and unspoiled…so far. Today is the day to reflect on what’s been and what could be. I’ve been thinking a lot about 2014 what I had hoped it would be and what happened instead. I thought a lot about my plans, how I didn’t follow through on those ideas and plans and how do I want to move forward. Yes, I must move forward as life has a funny way of ONLY going forward and not backward or sideways. That’s sometimes rather inconvenient but in all honesty, it’s a gift. Going backwards or even sideways couldn’t possibly bring about anything good. It’s only difficult to let go of the past. I don’t care how easy it is to sing that song from “Frozen,” it’s much more difficult to actually do. I find I’m always trying to figure out how to define “let go” anyway. How does one do that? How does one let go of the hurt, the pain, the anger, etc., especially when it’s justified? It’s a matter of choice.
Two years ago (2012 – so I guess three years now), I decided I wanted to do some type of resolution for the new year but after some consideration and being realistic, I decided to do a theme instead. How I came up with that I don’t recall. The theme was “invest in myself.” I did okay sometimes, other times not so much. I skipped 2013 and then for 2014, after some serious consideration, I came up with “choices.” I wanted to build on the previous theme, not revisit or go backwards. It’s the same this year.
I know I didn’t really live up to the theme for 2014. The past few years have turned out to be much more difficult than I was ready to deal with, but I can no longer keep letting myself down. I’m too unhappy with my life where it is to remain stagnant.
Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times. – Anonymous
This is why I can’t ignore my last two themes but I also can’t just rehash them either. I must keep moving forward, just like life. It’s one foot in front of the other and so are my themes. This year’s theme…strength. It covers a lot of ground.
Strength. There is, naturally, physical strength. I’m a bowl full of jelly right now. I want to ditch the excess fat and become a lean, mean fighting machine! Okay maybe not. I do want to feel better about my body, be comfortable in my own skin and darn it…be able to run like my pal Forrest (or darn close to it). I want to feel comfortable in knowing I can take care of myself.
Strength. I need to find that level of self-discipline that allows me to do the exercise I want/need to be physically strong. That takes a certain kind of inner-strength, mental strength. I can’t cave to the cravings for sugary foods.
Strength. I want to be stronger in my convictions. I want to live my life on my terms and do the things I want and not worry about what others think. I want to live strong in knowing I don’t just believe in causes/people/beliefs but that I live them!
Strength. It takes a strong person to be happy. It’s easy to get caught up in just trying to “live” that we forget to really live. Happiness is a method of living and doesn’t just come by chance (at least not in the long run). I need to be stronger in allowing myself to be happy and letting go of past hurts and frustration and anger. I have to make that choice and then be strong enough to follow through. This means making the choice to be happy with myself, the good, the bad and the ugly, because it’s about the big picture not the little things. I must be strong enough to like my life as it is and NOT compare it to others. A weak mind, as I have been, focuses on others too much. No more.
Strength. Mental toughness is a difficult one. It’s at the core of all the other elements of strength. It’s about changing how one thinks and maintaining that. It takes a strong person to do that and I’d like to think I can. I have to learn to not overthink things and to quit focusing on negative topics and people. Once I decide to let go, I must have the strength to follow through on that decision and know I made the right choice. This also means I need to have the strength to follow through on my goals whatever that may be – learning (or refreshing) my Spanish, learn to play guitar and write music, etc. I must have the strength to be determined enough to make those things happen. If I don’t invest in myself, who will?
I no longer want to live in the past. I want to live in the now! I once heard a story about the present and how it’s a gift. As the story goes, a gym teacher told a student: “The way I see it, if you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you’re pissing on the present.” Well to hell with that. I have this one life and I want to make the most of it so I better get to it! I will re-read this post over and over again if I must because I refuse to have another year where I revisit a post like this and have an empty feeling because I didn’t follow through.