Adding salt to a wound is said to be extremely painful. I suppose then the saying “when it rains, it pours” is incredibly fitting given that saying’s humble beginnings. Wouldn’t you know it, Morton Salt is where that phrase comes from and it was all about selling the idea that their salt is free flowing, even during rainy weather. If that’s the case, Morton Salt is making a ton of money off of me and my life for the past few months. Much salt has been added to already open wounds for months now. February the rain began and the salt very quickly followed.
The mix of rain and salt looks something like this for me: The rain begins with the final realization you’ve been rejected by yet another guy – check. Here’s where the salt begins its free flow – that realization results in buried insecurities to come to the surface – check. The mixture needs more salt. Finally decide to address old buried issues that said rejection forced to resurface only to have that same guy who rejected you, to decide instead to date your “friend” and make rejection full circle- check. Try and wash that down with some rain, be the adult, provide blessing for said relations to begin and still be friends with both. But alas, that proved useless against the onslaught of pour salt as acceptance of their relationship was followed by an unnecessary lie by “friend” – check. The added salt leaves you feeling more angry than usual so anger, hurt and other mixed feelings force you to feel perhaps you’re changing and feel badly about being angry over things you have a right to be angry about – check.
The sun starts to come out to dry up the rain and salt mix but it only poked out behind the clouds for a moment. Turns out, salt water is a great conductor for lightning. Lightning does strike and the rain begins again. Worries about family issues set in – check. The rain has started so clearly more salt is needed. Get excited to meet a new friend, who happens to be a guy. A few drinks and a couple of mistakes later and the entire flood of insecurity and possibly another rejection set in – yay salt! Questioning your life and where it is or isn’t going – check. Finally you begin to accept and move on but you can’t shoot tequila without the salt first, then the shot, followed by the lime. The salt – a text message forever changing what was supposed to be an important familial relationship and one that wasn’t ever supposed to end. The tequila – the response to said text and taking it quickly so it can’t burn too badly. The lime – which works as the chaser only leaves you with the sour face, tart flavor and harsh reality that there are some people you’ll never talk to again or see again. Where’s the rain to wash this all away?
The human spirit, they say, is very strong. I suppose this is seen in instances such as during The Great Depression or WWII. The Greatest Generation continues to leave their mark on us for their perseverance. If this is so, I hope that I haven’t found a way to break my spirit; that the salt has eroded the little resilience left. I hope the salt hasn’t changed my way of thinking or how my heart works to a point it can’t recover. I worry about that. I worry the constant attack on how I view things has made me well…salty. I worry that things I didn’t used to accept are now acceptable. I worry all the years I simply accepted the salt from whatever sources or whatever reason means I’ve been taking it in and am now more salt than heart. It’s a little bit like Frodo said in the Lord of the Rings about picking up the pieces of a broken life. Is it possible to go back? If not, how does one learn to live with the salt or at least make it dissolve to an acceptable point? So much to work on it feels overwhelming. It feels impossible. Where to start? Where does it end? I suppose I start by breathing and remembering tomorrow is a new day. I think it was Annie who said, “the sun will come out tomorrow” right? It can’t stay rainy and salty forever or can it?