He’s not. Trust me. I’m an expert in this area. By now it simply shouldn’t phase me, but it does. It collects, one story, one guy, piling upon one another. Just one more experience of being blown off. It’s such a yuck feeling, an utter blow to the ego. Maybe those with stronger resolve or those who are lucky enough to never be cursed with self-doubt won’t be bothered by someone who seems to pull the greatest Houdini act ever and simply never calls, vanishing into thin air. I’m not one of those lucky people.
I don’t know his story. I’m sure he has one but I don’t know it; I never hear from him now. I don’t know what’s keeping him from calling or texting or showing any other example illustrating he’s interested. Patience is a virtue that seems to escape me when it comes to this. I’ve seen it happen so many times and let’s face it…repeated behavior has a tendency to train us. It has a way of making us feel or think a certain way, even if it’s not in our best interest. How could this time be different from any other time? It’s possible but not very likely, at least if things hold true to the pattern in my life. It’s like the book and the movie say: You’re the rule, not the exception. That fits me to a T. Yet again, I’m the rule, not the exception. I’m not his exception…at least so it appears so far. Again, to be fair, I could be wrong. Maybe he’ll come around and be just as interested as he was at first…not likely, but possible.
I keep being told to not call or text him; to sit back and wait for him to make a move. I do absolutely agree with the idea that if a guy really wants a girl, he’ll make it happen. He’ll make that call, he’ll find a way to see her, etc. The proof is in the pudding – it’s seen so many times over and over again. A guy may start out that way with me but it quickly fizzles. Before long he quits talking to me. I find it ironic how many men seem to complain that women expect men to be mind readers and yet men always seem to use the ghosting act as their way out, a “simple” act, a hint that we’re supposed to just know. Okay to be fair, if he’s not coming around, sure it becomes loud and clear at some point that he’s not interested. It’s still only a hint. It’s still chicken shit.
So there’s some choices to make. I feel it necessary to be fair. It would be unfair to clump him in the group simply because on the surface it appears that he’s making the same chicken shit move. His occupation and the fact that life happens, circumstances change could be factors – not making excuses for him though. The choice is reasonably simple: I could either keep sending the occasional text, just to be sure he knows I’m still around. The problem with that is it keeps me lingering on a situation that could be dead and why would I do that to myself? One beauty of life is that it keeps moving forward and why wait?
The other choice is: don’t text. Don’t call. If he wants to, he’ll come around. Maybe he’ll notice my absence and feel like he’ll want answers. Then what? Do I accept that he’s been blowing me off, but like the Prodigal Son has returned and see where things go? Or don’t I? That one I don’t know how to answer. I’m tired of accepting excuses. I’m tired of always being so willing to give multiple chances. I’m also tired of trying. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, what I say, how I look, he’s never into me. Which “he” he is doesn’t matter. Tall, short, lots of hair, bald, skinny, extra meat on his bones, educated, not educated, a past record, no record and totally clean cut, into drugs, won’t even drink a little, it doesn’t matter. None are interested, at least that’s how it feels.
Every time I meet another person who ends up not into me, it’s just another dig at my ego. Yes, I get it, it’s not about me. It’s them but how can one not feel like she’s the problem when she’s the one that’s rejected all the time. As much as I want to give up and give in, I can’t. Some guy will come around and ask for a date and, assuming I’m interested, will I say no? Of course not. I’m glutton for punishment. I’m thinking it’s some weird form of masochism. Well, perhaps not. Maybe it’s because no matter how hard it is, no matter how many times I fail, I can’t help but feel like there’s hope.
“Gigi,” who’s one of the main characters in the film, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” is someone I totally relate to in multiple ways. But I think when she finally makes a move for Alex and he rejects her, her response to him is why I do what I do; why despite the heartache and desire to give up, I don’t.
I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You’ve think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don’t fall in love that way either. You have not won. You’re alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I’m still a lot closer to love than you are. – Gigi, He’s Just Not That Into You
Yeah. I think that wraps it up right there. I may end up stupid and wear my heart on my sleeve like Gigi, but I am who I am. I shouldn’t have to apologize for that, nor should I feel ashamed for it. As a disclaimer, I’m a little cooky, but I’m not quite as silly as Gigi in the movie. Just saying.
*Editor’s note: I don’t own any of the “He’s Just Not That Into You” logos or anything. The book was written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. The movie is based on that book and was directed by Ken Kwapis. I reference both the book and movie but otherwise the content here is original. Any similarities are completely coincidental.