He’s Just Not That Into…Me…Again

courtesy/www.anewmode.com

courtesy/www.anewmode.com

He’s not. Trust me. I’m an expert in this area. By now it simply shouldn’t phase me, but it does. It collects, one story, one guy, piling upon one another. Just one more experience of being blown off. It’s such a yuck feeling, an utter blow to the ego. Maybe those with stronger resolve or those who are lucky enough to never be cursed with self-doubt won’t be bothered by someone who seems to pull the greatest Houdini act ever and simply never calls, vanishing into thin air. I’m not one of those lucky people.

I don’t know his story. I’m sure he has one but I don’t know it; I never hear from him now. I don’t know what’s keeping him from calling or texting or showing any other example illustrating he’s interested. Patience is a virtue that seems to escape me when it comes to this. I’ve seen it happen so many times and let’s face it…repeated behavior has a tendency to train us. It has a way of making us feel or think a certain way, even if it’s not in our best interest. How could this time be different from any other time? It’s possible but not very likely, at least if things hold true to the pattern in my life. It’s like the book and the movie say: You’re the rule, not the exception. That fits me to a T. Yet again, I’m the rule, not the exception. I’m not his exception…at least so it appears so far. Again, to be fair, I could be wrong. Maybe he’ll come around and be just as interested as he was at first…not likely, but possible.

I keep being told to not call or text him; to sit back and wait for him to make a move. I do absolutely agree with the idea that if a guy really wants a girl, he’ll make it happen. He’ll make that call, he’ll find a way to see her, etc. The proof is in the pudding – it’s seen so many times over and over again. A guy may start out that way with me but it quickly fizzles. Before long he quits talking to me. I find it ironic how many men seem to complain that women expect men to be mind readers and yet men always seem to use the ghosting act as their way out, a “simple” act, a hint that we’re supposed to just know. Okay to be fair, if he’s not coming around, sure it becomes loud and clear at some point that he’s not interested. It’s still only a hint. It’s still chicken shit.

courteys/www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

courtesy/www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

So there’s some choices to make. I feel it necessary to be fair. It would be unfair to clump him in the group simply because on the surface it appears that he’s making the same chicken shit move. His occupation and the fact that life happens, circumstances change could be factors – not making excuses for him though. The choice is reasonably simple: I could either keep sending the occasional text, just to be sure he knows I’m still around. The problem with that is it keeps me lingering on a situation that could be dead and why would I do that to myself? One beauty of life is that it keeps moving forward and why wait?

The other choice is: don’t text. Don’t call. If he wants to, he’ll come around. Maybe he’ll notice my absence and feel like he’ll want answers. Then what? Do I accept that he’s been blowing me off, but like the Prodigal Son has returned and see where things go? Or don’t I? That one I don’t know how to answer. I’m tired of accepting excuses. I’m tired of always being so willing to give multiple chances. I’m also tired of trying. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, what I say, how I look, he’s never into me. Which “he” he is doesn’t matter. Tall, short, lots of hair, bald, skinny, extra meat on his bones, educated, not educated, a past record, no record and totally clean cut, into drugs, won’t even drink a little, it doesn’t matter. None are interested, at least that’s how it feels.

Every time I meet another person who ends up not into me, it’s just another dig at my ego. Yes, I get it, it’s not about me. It’s them but how can one not feel like she’s the problem when she’s the one that’s rejected all the time. As much as I want to give up and give in, I can’t. Some guy will come around and ask for a date and, assuming I’m interested, will I say no? Of course not. I’m glutton for punishment. I’m thinking it’s some weird form of masochism. Well, perhaps not. Maybe it’s because no matter how hard it is, no matter how many times I fail, I can’t help but feel like there’s hope.

“Gigi,” who’s one of the main characters in the film, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” is someone I totally relate to in multiple ways. But I think when she finally makes a move for Alex and he rejects her, her response to him is why I do what I do; why despite the heartache and desire to give up, I don’t.

I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You’ve think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don’t fall in love that way either. You have not won. You’re alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I’m still a lot closer to love than you are. – Gigi, He’s Just Not That Into You

Yeah. I think that wraps it up right there. I may end up stupid and wear my heart on my sleeve like Gigi, but I am who I am. I shouldn’t have to apologize for that, nor should I feel ashamed for it. As a disclaimer, I’m a little cooky, but I’m not quite as silly as Gigi in the movie. Just saying.

*Editor’s note: I don’t own any of the “He’s Just Not That Into You” logos or anything. The book was written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. The movie is based on that book and was directed by Ken Kwapis. I reference both the book and movie but otherwise the content here is original. Any similarities are completely coincidental.

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5 responses to “He’s Just Not That Into…Me…Again

  1. okay, so i have a lot of thoughts on this but I’m gonna keep em short…….

    1) American culture has shifted quite a bit in the past couple decades. there are SO many women who are going after men that the average guy doesn’t even have to do anything…which makes a lot of men lazy. I must get asked out at least once a week by total strangers….i’ll just be sitting around minding my business and some chick (excuse my vernacular jen) will lean over start talking to me and the next thing i know she’s making the move to ask me out….

    thus, because women are so much more forward (and I’m not judging them for it, I’m just making the observation) men simply don’t have to work at a relationship very much anymore….

    2) its almost become expected for sexuality to be a major theme in the relationship right at the beginning……….

    again, I’m not judging anyone…but I’ve had women literally walk up to me and (total strangers mind you) and say, “GOD i want to &***$$# you right now” i’ll leave it to your imagination as to what they say…..

    so again, the world is a bizarre place, the rules have changed…life is very different……and all of it in my opinion has; made men LAZY…..

    3) one more final dimension; pornography. Men now-a-days watch SO MUCH porn its bizarre. 75 percent of all Internet use is pornography….so that has caused the average man to think about sex WAY TOO much…….which goes back to my first point; men are thinking about sex right at the beginning of the relationships….even on the first date.

    • Okay… I’m trying to figure out just what you’re telling me here Kenneth lol. Yes women do come onto guys more but ultimately, regardless, if a guy really wants to be with a girl…he’ll make it happen. If a girl gives it up to a guy too soon, the “hunt” will be over and he’ll no longer be interested. Trust me.. it’s true. Maybe it’s possible he lost interest because there wasn’t any sex but I kind of doubt it given this particular situation and this guy. He actually puts his phone down and doesn’t like it when people are too addicted to them. He doesn’t strike me the kind to be too addicted to the Internet either. All of what you say may apply to some or even many but not this guy, not this situation. Regardless, it doesn’t matter. I feel fairly confident that it’s over so whatever. It just sucks ‘cuz it happens all the time to me. Such as life. Just picking it up and moving on and see what else happens.

      • Lol yea I wasn’t saying that your supposed to put out right away……but I am saying that I’m convinced that this dynamic has totally changed the dating scene…..

        For instance, I had a guy recently tell me that if a girl doesn’t put out by the second date he wouldn’t go out on a third

      • Hmm… it may have influenced some, but I don’t think it’s changed as many as it may seem. Plus a guy who wants a girl to put out that quickly, isn’t likely to really want a relationship with that person. He’s just out for nookie lol. I’d still bet that once he found a girl that he’s really “into,” he’d wait longer than just the first two dates. From what I’ve come to understand, all guys are jerks (or mostly or essentially) until that one girl thoroughly catches their eye and then once hooked, it’s all said and done. They may be “jerks” before but that one girl seems to change things – hence “the exception” for that guy.

    • p.s. – Now I really want to know how your travels go lol. I can just imagine how international women are going to be with you hahaha. You babe magnet haha. Men never approach me. I never get hit on and when I do.. they always just disappear. *Sigh* So trying to just accept singlehood and be okay with it cuz it ain’t changing lol. Oh well.

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