When did I lose control? How did this train ride get derailed? Life hasn’t always been easy, but when did it become a monstrosity, she thought. Those are just some of the questions that raced through her head as she sat back and reflected on the numerous difficult choices she now faces.
Love is supposed to provide so much, but somewhere along the way, it morphed from a thing of beauty to a deformed beast, wicked and mean. She always knew that things weren’t always perfect with the two of them, but she couldn’t have foreseen the darkness that now encompasses her. How could she have known when they were so young with so much time in front of them that time would run out, that she would have to endure so much pain because of him. That’s just it – she couldn’t have known.
Family is supposed to be a unit, working together to make life successful. How is it her own family seems to know this but his doesn’t? How come they seem to want to make things so much more difficult? She faces several tough choices, it shouldn’t have to be based on the lack of support from family but it does. How could that happen?
She stays up late, trying to do some problem solving. She works hard against her confines of a limited budget and resources to support her family, making choices she thinks will help her and her children through the rough patch. She can’t possibly see that the sunrise will only bring more heartache and difficulty. She’s almost to a breaking point, maybe she’s even past it, but how can she let herself go when there are others to consider?
The difficulties continue to pile upon one another. How can she possibly make the right decision with one issue when there’s immediately another one to face and to deal with? Who’s going to help her with her mountain of worries? She wants to quit caring; she wants to not even bother. Why? Tomorrow will simply be even more difficult than yesterday, but then she sees their smiling faces. They laugh, they hug her and call her mom. That’s why. She puts on her invisible armor, buries her tears and carries on to fight another day, to make more difficult choices but knowing in her heart she’ll do what she has to for her and her family.
The choices are getting narrower, which deceptively make it appear easier, but it’s not. Even good choices come with consequences and since the future is hidden behind a black curtain, who knows if the good choice will be worth it or not. She has to try though. There is much at stake and she knows it.
Undoubtedly she will make the right decisions. She need only have faith in herself and her abilities. She has many but can’t forget they exist. Once the pain has subsided, her strength will take over and she won’t have to worry. Some sacrifices will likely have to be made in the short-term, but the rewards in the long-run will pay dividends. Have faith young one. Your journey has only begun. It will be trying at times but you’ll find your way, don’t lose hope. The strength and resources will come from within as you need them.
*Editor’s note: So this is a very different style of writing for me. As I said in my About Me page – I reserve the right to do this ha! It feels a bit cheesy to me, but I want to branch out from time to time. Let me know what you think! Thank you for reading.