The Mommy Diaries: Kathy, mom extraordinaire, part 2

google images/from the film poster

google images/from the film poster

My mom and I have a special bond, that’s for sure. How much of that started from the womb or the fact I managed, probably by miracle, to survive my toddler years so we could actually have a relationship, I don’t know. She’s bonded to my siblings also, of course, but she and I are buds. It may help that I get my height from her. She’s a whopping 4’8″ also. Okay quit your laughing. We’re giants in our world okay. *Sticks tongue out*

For me, a perfect illustration of our relationship can be seen in that movie “Because I Said So” with Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore – if you haven’t seen it, check it out. It’s a cute movie. I remember going to see that in the theater with her and my friend, Penny, whom you should have also read about on here. If you don’t know that movie, the premise is the mom is worried about her daughter not finding true love and, more importantly, that the daughter will be like her- alone, and she doesn’t want that. Well, in any case, that type of insecurity always breeds trouble and usually interference, even if well intended.

I think the best line from the movie comes fairly early when Daphne, the mom, is talking to Johnny, a possible suitor for Milly, the daughter. Anyway, they were talking about how Daphne was looking for the right kind of guy for Milly because she always seems to find the wrong ones (yes in this case I would be Milly – always happens to me). While it’s clear Daphne’s intentions are good, despite being horribly misplaced, Johnny does agree to a point – that motherhood is a “crazy kind of love.” Daphne also points out something similar to her daughters halfway through, talking about the expectation that she’s supposed to be worried and involved in their lives, but only to a point, then suddenly she’s supposed to bow out but that’s difficult. Anyway, my point to all this is that that’s me and my mom. I remember leaning over and whispering to her that if she got the notion to go to the Internet to find me a guy, we’d have problems haha. I know it would be out of love, but that’s just not a line to cross. I felt the need to say something because she’d already been trying to encourage me and push me in the direction of certain guys from time to time. Bless her heart. Here’s some of what mom has to say about our relationship:

Best memory is very difficult to select from because I recall many good memories around Jennifer especially around her college and just after college years. Right after she graduated from college she moved back in with me and Patrick. We actually worked together at the same school (Adams County 14 School District – Community Leadership Academy). I was a reading/ESL teacher and she was a teacher’s aide. We would carpool together and thus attend a lot of the school’s affairs together.  We would share some of the stories about the students’ we were working with (nothing negative) mostly comical situations. I went to visit Jennifer in Salida a few times when she was working there as a newspaper reporter for the small newspaper up in Chaffee county. Since she’s moved to Needles our contact has been very limited and unfortunately has had to occur mostly over my father’s illness and death.

My mom can be overbearing at times and sometimes she has interfered but it’s always been out of love. When being rational, how can one expect a great mom to be there for you, do what  you need her to and then just expect her to drop out of your life when you want her to? It’s a lot to ask really. As with the movie, there do come those clashes though, those embarrassing moments when mom has to step in for whatever reason. In the end, it’s for the best and it’s important to remember to say ‘thanks mom’ for doing what’s best for me, even if I didn’t know it at the time. Here’s what mom had to say about some of those moments:

Embarrassing moments – at this moment I can’t really recall any very embarrassing moments around any of my children. Perhaps at one parent conference while conferring with Andrea’s teacher, we (Pat and I) were very surprised to find out Andrea would wear  glasses to school.  She had never mentioned to us she needed glasses. She took an old pair of my glasses and would wear them to class. When we showed a picture of Andrea to the teacher, he clarified that it was her in his class. After returning home and confronting Andrea about the glasses then and only then did we realize she had taken my old glasses to school. That was rather embarrassing. Jennifer was always outspoken and we never had to worry about finding out things about her. Patrick on the other hand was like Andrea in that they would hide things from us. I cannot tell you how many things have been revealed about Patrick and it never should have come to that point. It continues today. I would say this is frustrating not so much embarrassing. There was a comical incident around Patrick. When he was in second grade, the school year was about over. Patrick arrived from school but he seemed rather preoccupied about his neck. As soon as he entered the house I had him show me his neck and noticed lots of scratches and some bruising – he began to cry and could not tell me what was wrong. I called  the school (Hillcrest) to see what had happened to Patrick. I spoke with Mrs. Facey (the school secretary) and she informed me Patrick had gotten stuck under the metal train on the playground. I was upset so I took him back to the school and had them explain to me what happened. Poor Mr. Rawson (custodian) couldn’t contain himself – he was laughing so hard.  Everyone proceeded to tell me this was not the first or would be the last occurrence of this nature. Especially boys, they said, tend to feel like they can enter inside of the metal train without being hurt. It took some doing to get Patrick’s head unstuck from the metal train. Things like this happen when you have children.

my mom and her grandsons, cj, on the left, and josh

my mom and her grandsons, cj, on the left, and josh

The thing about moms, is they don’t always stop mothering. This isn’t always a bad thing. Like with my friend, Rose, whom I recently wrote about, my mom has spent plenty of time in education. I still feel that’s where she would be best suited, but circumstances and how much children have changed (possibly due to poor parenting and lack of controls in schools) has made her weary of it. There was a time, probably still happens, when I couldn’t go anywhere in public with her because we’d always run into a student she’d helped. I know she’s had former students come to her to ask for help with their own children, that’s how good she was. A good part of that comes from being a good mom. Here’s what she has to say:

I became a teacher after having been a “Mom”. The advantage of this has been I realize all children learn differently. All three of my children have different weaknesses and strengths. They all have their own individual personalities and ways of doing things. What I know is we must accept our children for their differences and for their way of doing things. We cannot live their lives for them so we much encourage them to move their own ways and to do the best they can. We should be there for their support and give them encouragement in whatever it is they choose to become.

Mom – you drive us crazy from time to time. You’ve intervened and pried information from us when we didn’t want to give it; forced us to do horrible chores, yelled at us when we were asking for it, etc., but in the end it was always because you loved us. For that- we thank you! We love you.

In closing I have to say whatever was sent down to my children from their grandparents must be very valuable as not any of my children have ever been in trouble with the law (other than speeding tickets); had issues with drinking alcohol or drugs.  They have all been very good workers wherever they are employed and have worked since very young ages.  In other words, they have great work ethics.  I strongly believe (their father and I) have instilled in them very good values.

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4 responses to “The Mommy Diaries: Kathy, mom extraordinaire, part 2

  1. “Mom – you drive us crazy from time to time. You’ve intervened and pried information from us when we didn’t want to give it; forced us to do horrible chores, yelled at us when we were asking for it, etc., but in the end it was always because you loved us”

    very true 🙂

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